Again, we will consider the two stages of translation. It is not a question of whether [i] is ‘wrong’ because the first versions still convey the meaning. The focus is, at this level, the skill of achieving greater fluency when necessary and retaining the pace and aggression of the narrative while retaining the meaning. The second translations are subjective i.e. there are other styles or adjustments you may personally prefer.
(5) neque vērō coniūnctī Albīcī comminus pugnandō dēficiēbant
neque multum cēdēbant virtūte nostrīs.
[i] Nor indeed did the Albici, (having been) united with them,
fail in hand-to-hand fighting, nor did they yield much to ours in valour.
[ii] And the Albici, who had joined them, were neither inadequate
in close combat nor far less courageous than our own men.
(6) simul ex minōribus nāvibus magna vīs ēminus missa tēlōrum
multa nostrīs dē imprōvīsō imprūdentibus atque inpedītīs vulnera īnferēbant.
[i] At the same time, from the smaller ships, a great force of
weapons sent from a distance was inflicting many wounds upon our men
unexpectedly, off their guard, and entangled.
[ii] At the same time a great assault of long-range weapons
hurled from the smaller vessels suddenly inflicted many wounds on our men – caught
off guard and pinned down.
(7) cōnspicātaeque nāvēs trirēmēs duae nāvem D. Brūtī, quae ex
īnsignī facile agnōscī poterat, duābus ex partibus sēsē in eam incitāverant.
[i] And two ships with three banks of oars, having spotted the
ship of Decimus Brutus, which was able to be easily recognized from its flag,
had driven themselves into it from two sides.
[ii] And two triremes, having spotted the ship of Decimus
Brutus – easily recognisable by its flag – had charged at it from both sides.
(8) sed tantum rē prōvīsā Brūtus celeritāte nāvis ēnīsus est
ut parvō mōmentō antecēderet.
[i] But with the matter having been foreseen, Brutus, by the
swiftness of his ship, so greatly extricated himself that he got ahead for a
little moment.
[ii] But Brutus had anticipated this and, thanks to the speed
of the ship, made such a great effort to force his way out that, momentarily,
he got ahead of them.
(9) illae adeō graviter inter sē incitātae cōnflīxērunt, ut
vehementissimē utraque ex concursū labōrārent, altera vērō praefrāctō rōstrō
tōta conlabefieret.
[i] Those ships, having been driven forward, collided with
each other so heavily that each was very severely afflicted by the impact, and
one indeed, with its ram having been broken off, was completely shattered.
[ii] Those ships which had been rapidly moved forward collided
so violently with each other that each was very severely damaged from the crash,
and one, in fact, its ram broken off, was completely shattered.
(10) quā rē animadversa, quae proximae eī locō ex Brūtī classe
nāvēs erant, in eās inpedītās impetum faciunt celeriterque ambās dēprimunt.
[i] With this thing having been noticed, the ships from
Brutus's fleet which were closest to that place make an attack upon those hindered
ships and quickly sink both.
[ii] And having observed this incident, the ships from Brutus’
fleet which were nearest to that position, launched an attack on those disabled
ships, quickly sinking them both.
____________________
And the Albici, who had joined them, were neither inadequate
in close combat nor far less courageous than our own men. At the same time a
great assault of long-range weapons hurled from the smaller vessels suddenly
inflicted many wounds on our men – caught off guard and pinned down. And two
triremes, having spotted the ship of Decimus Brutus – easily recognisable by
its flag – had charged at it from both sides.
But Brutus had anticipated this and, thanks to the speed of the ship, made
such a great effort to force his way out that, momentarily, he got ahead of
them. Those ships which had been rapidly moved forward collided so violently
with each other that each was very severely damaged from the crash, and one, in
fact, its ram broken off, was completely shattered. And having observed this
incident, the ships from Brutus’ fleet which were nearest to that position, launched
an attack on those disabled ships, quickly sinking them both.